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At 2010-03-03 18:43:13 (Central Time) someone
wrote:
(Views: 267) Bottom
Having a hard time with fertility issues...
No pun intended, but I've been putting off a fertility test. More specifically a semen analysis. I've received The Word: do it tomorrow or there will be trouble. The clock is ticking, you see.
The wife and I (married 10 years) have been trying to have a kid for 6 years now. We're in a good place for it emotionally and financially, but it's just not happening for us. We've done the ovulation thermo-test, gone at it like bunnies, everything. Nothing's working.
So to figure out exactly what's not working, we've been seeking medical help. My wife has one more test to do, and I've got one: I need to give a sample.
My problem is that I... can't. I don't know if it's the clinical aspect of it or what, but when I get right to the time of the deed, nothing down there seems to work.
I think about the receptionist. She think I'm taking too long? I think about seeing other people on the way in. I think about the air conditioning noises, stuff at work, why the little cup isn't clear, will enough come out, everything but something arousing.
What the hell is wrong with me? Has anyone else had to perform on cue at a medical place? How did you get things "moving"? And what exactly are my options if it turns out that the onanistic approach absolutely will not work?
Maybe in the back of my mind I'm worried that kids aren't going to be an option. My wife will be crushed. She's like the freaking baby whisperer. Kids on the brain. Making matters worse, every damn one of her friends is either having, had or having another baby. Telling people "Oh, we don't want kids" isn't an option. She's famous for wanting to be a mother (and she'd be great at it).
Anyway, if any of you guys have dealt with this, I'd love to hear how you dealt with things. Snark welcome, too, if that's how you roll.------- Updated 2010-03-04 19:43:41 ------- Thanks for the input, guys. Was good to get it off my chest.
Went down there today, and found out that they accept "off-site collection". So the wife and I are going to have some fun in the morning...
| make me some tea | Quote 2010-03-03 19:29:25 | I don't know what to tell you except, sucks to be you, and good luck with that. Now GBTW.
| | cerote | Quote 2010-03-03 19:48:58 | You need a sexy nurse in a latex uniform to milk your prostate*. Problem solved.
* If no actual sexy nurse is available, you may have to bring along "Sexy Latex Nurses 45" and skip to the second scene. YMMV.
| | astrnomr | Quote 2010-03-03 19:55:12 | It's no big deal. It's not like you're the first visitor to the place. The receptionist has seen many people come and go. (Probably more of the former than the latter. Ba-dum-bum.) Yeah, it seems a little weird, but just relax, concentrate on the available porn, and eventually you'll settle in just like you do at home. If your sperm count is a little low, they might recommend simple things like screwing less frequently (to build up more sperm), wearing boxers instead of briefs, etc.
| | E-Brake | Quote 2010-03-03 20:17:52 | When I need to get things "moving" I just take a fiber pill. :/
| | hyperdream | Quote 2010-03-03 20:36:50 | Whatever you do, next time you're in there, don't think about your mom. Here's a few guidelines:
-As you drive to the non-mom related establishment, don't think about your mom.
-When you walk in, just as the receptionist is about to greet you, remember this and clear thoughts of mom out of your head.
-While settling in to do your business, absolutely do not think about your mom. In fact, don't even think about not thinking your mom.
-So, you're getting close. You're about to replicate your private little version of Old Faithful, that geyser in Yellowstone you went to see as a kid with your.... hey, what did you get your mom for Mother's Day? DO NOT GO THERE.
You'd better print this out so you can study. Possibly you may want to give a copy of it to your receptionist so she doesn't make any mention or reference to your mom.
If you still have a problem, come back and we'll discuss what you can do about thoughts of your grandmother.
| | make me some tea | Quote 2010-03-03 20:57:21 | E-Brake: When I need to get things "moving" I just take a fiber pill. :/
TMI
| | Whamdangler | Quote 2010-03-03 22:08:24 | Bring your wife and have her suck you off.
| | JackAssHole | Quote 2010-03-03 22:31:22 | You can't bring a sample in? When I had my vasectomy and they needed to take a sample to give me the all-clear a few weeks later, I just brought the sample to the lab.
| | Whamdangler | Quote 2010-03-03 22:36:19 | JackAssHole: You can't bring a sample in? When I had my vasectomy and they needed to take a sample to give me the all-clear a few weeks later, I just brought the sample to the lab.
I think one issue with that would that with a vasectomy, all they have to see is "no sperm". Doesn't matter if they are dead or not. With fertility, they want to see counts and swimming ability, etc.
| | baked beans | Quote 2010-03-04 09:54:20 | you're gay....
nttawwt
| | Trivia Jockey | Quote 2010-03-05 09:48:54 | "Was good to get it off my chest."
Well there's your problem...I think it's supposed to go in the plastic cup they give you.
| | thepersonalgoddess | Quote 2010-03-11 16:02:08 | So, are you sterile or not?
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